he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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