So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
