my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
