we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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