she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
