they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
