I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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