I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You pole danced in your parka.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
