Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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