Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
