Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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