you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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