If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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