I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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