I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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