There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
