Cold hands, warm shart.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
