I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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