Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
