I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
