I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
