Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
