I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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