he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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