hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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