Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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