remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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