I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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