i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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