JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize