I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
not ubering you a puppy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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