worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
