Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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