Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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