new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
