Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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