Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need water and some morals
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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