drinking out of a sandbucket again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
