do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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