He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
In America we eat man semen.
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She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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