if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize