dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
