Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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