Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
