The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize