chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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