When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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