I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
