My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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