I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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